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Putting Yourself First Is Not Selfish

By Olivia Rostigus


You must love yourself is something most people are familiar with. Psychics hear daily how people are suffering and want change to occur in their lives. The problem lies in self esteem and most people don't want to hear that they must begin to take an action before any change can occur.

We have all said or heard it said to us that, 'You have to love your 'self' first', but we really have no clue on how to go about acting on it. When a person is upset, overwhelmed or angry, this type of comment is often viewed as an attack. Neither person really knows how to begin the change necessary to correction the problem.

Most of the time when we hear, "You have to love yourself first", the person saying it is trying to help. Unfortunately, what often actually happens is just the opposite of the intention behind the comment. The emotional damage increases as the person experiencing the pain feels even more alone.

People need to realize what message they are really sending when they say well-intended things. The person receiving it can feel that you really don't understand the pain they are feeling, which can cause them to withdraw into themselves because no one understands.

1. I'm frustrated because I don't know how to help you

2. If only you'd do what I tell you to do, everything will get resolved

3. This is what you need to do

4. I don't know how to be supportive, so, just do this

Generally, the person who is in trouble recoils, feels rejected and begins to isolate themselves because they are not being heard which results in the pain increasing. That's when psychics usually hear from clients; when they are at their wit's end and want help in resolving the problem.

What people really need in these challenging situations, is to begin the process of treating the 'self' well. This means they begin by taking the first step of action. Below is a metaphorical story that is easy to understand:

Most parents will react immediately to a child that is being assaulted by other children. Their built-in instincts force them to rush in to save the child from a bad situation. They will usually removed them quickly, find out if they are physically okay, then hug them in a re-assuring way until they calm down. They have in effect saved the child's 'self' from further altercations.

Adults can also get beat up on the playground of life, and, we have to learn to save our "selves". When adults get into difficult problems, they tend to get stuck and hope that, in time, things will change on their own. We buy time, longing for our situation to right itself, while continuing to endure pain and suffering.

There has to be an action taken in order for change to begin. If no action is taken, the situation repeats itself, usually in a fairly predictable cycle from an outside point of view. In order to rid themselves of horrible feelings, they will use other people as a temporary dumping ground by telling the same story over and over. This behavior will generally cause other people to avoid the person in trouble. As the cycle continues, they find themselves alone as depression sets in. Isolation is not an action, but, rather a reaction to overwhelming problems. Here are some actions that people can take to begin to help themselves:

1. Avoiding people that are negative toward you

2. Do things like getting involved in something you have passion for, like a hobby, taking that class, or finishing a degree.

Psychic readings can help people see that you are only as trapped as you feel. They try to open up the person so that they, too, can see that they have the ability to change the situation. Professional psychics will get you to see that hope is not a good strategy and that it is up to the person to take the step that has been pointed out to them.

Loving yourself first is the only option you have if you want others to love you back.




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